Caesar salad dressing

This mega potent Caesar salad dressing will not only scare away vampires. It will also scare away family and co-workers. But it's pretty good.


  • Half a bulb of garlic. Crushed like madness.
  • 2 cups cheap oil. Use the cheap canola oil. This is the one recipe that does not feature quality olive oil.
  • 1/4 cup Kraft parmesan cheese. Again, use the cheap Kraft stuff. Don't get fancy by buying fresh parm. This recipe requires the classic Kraft parmesan in the green container.
  • 2 lemons, juiced.
  • Salt, pepper.
  • Secret ingredient (not telling, sorry).
  • Romaine lettuce.
  • Croutons.


  • Make this dressing at least one day before using it.
  • Crush the garlic. And by crush, I mean pulverize. Hitting the garlic with the back of a knife will not suffice here. You have to get your best garlic press and really smash it and grind it.
  • In a container which can later be closed and shaken, mix garlic with oil.
  • Add lemon juice.
  • Add parmesan.
  • Add salt and pepper.
  • Close your container and shake very vigorously.
  • Store in fridge.
  • Throughout the day, shake the container vigorously, often.
  • Wash and tear lettuce.
  • add dressing to taste. This is extremely potent dressing, so go easy and let your guests add more dressing if the want.
  • Toss the salad.
  • Add croutons.
  • Toss again.
  • Sprinkle with a pretty generous amount of parmesan.